“When I’m feeling really down and depressed, I like to think of the old days. When life was free and happy. When we did not even know insurgents existed.”

These were the musings of 65-year-old Fati Grema, who says she would give anything to return to the old days before the insurgency because now her life is “worthless”.

“We had a four-roomed flat. My husband farmed and there was always plenty to eat. We had so much food that we could eat all year and still sell our produce at the market. Our three sons each had work and they helped to ensure we lived the good life. There was always food on the table, we wore fine outfits and we were a happy family.

“But our lives changed when my husband died 18 years ago. He had not been well. It was a shock and we were sad. But we still had the farm. Life goes on and you have to move on with it. But we never expected what would happen next.”

The year 2009 arrived, Grema said, and with it the Jamā’at Ahl as-Sunnah lid-Da’way Wa’l-Jihād (JAS), better known as Boko Haram.

“I know the insurgency has hit just about every family in the northeast of Nigeria and even outside the country. Our story is not special, it is just one of millions.”

Grema told RNI reporter Nana Hadiza Mustapha that she had lost her three sons and a son-in-law in the insurgency and three of her grandchildren were missing, thought to have been abducted or killed by the JAS.

“It has left me broken. Even my body has given in. I am seriously ill with heart problems. I have an ulcer and I am deeply depressed.”

“I got sick after losing seven family members to the Boko Haram. The terrible violence of the past 13 years has taken its toll. I believe my ill health is linked to the murders of my children.

In 2009, two of her sons were civil servants and one was a businessman who exported goods to neighbouring countries, such as Cameroon and Chad.

“My first son, who is a father of five, was caught by the security agencies in Maiduguri when the insurgency started. They arrested him and I have not heard from or seen him since then. Some said he is in Abuja but I know he is dead.

“When things started heating up he had left Maiduguri to stay in the Mubi Local Government Area in Adamawa for safety. Then one of his friends, who was later confirmed to be a Boko Haram member, helped him to get to Gombe State where he stayed.

“My son was not associated with any sect and there was no reason for the security officials to arrest him. There was no proof. He wasn’t the kind of person who would have anything to do with Boko Haram. But when he returned to Maiduguri, the security agents took him and his friend into custody. We were told later that he had been killed.

Grema said she was devastated. “My children do not belong to any sects. They are normal civilians. My second son, who has two kids, has always been the curious type and, in his quest to seek knowledge, he joined the Almajiri system of education.

“Later on, Boko Haram lured him to become part of the sect. At first he accepted them and even attended some of their gatherings. But later he started pulling back from the sect when he learnt how dangerous and extreme their activities were.

“In 2009, during the first Boko Haram war in Maiduguri, as a disciple of Muhammad Yusuf, the then Boko Haram leader, he came to me in the night and said Boko Haram had instructed him to take up guns and go to war. He said, ‘I’m afraid. I cannot hold a gun, mum’. I warned him and stopped him from leaving the house. But he was frightened and said, ‘they will kill me if I don’t show up, mother’.

“I still stopped him from leaving but the next day we heard gunshots in town and that was the start of the war with Boko Haram. He immediately packed his clothes and ran away to Lawanti Gongolon [in the Jere Local Government Area] and since then I have not heard from him or seen him. Later, I heard that he had been killed there.

“I become very anxious. I used to worry and cry often. My eye became infected and I went to Kolofata in Cameroon for treatment. My remaining son came to visit me and we stayed together until one day a friend and a girl came into my room.

“My son beat them up questioning how they could disrespect me by coming into my room. The girl said threateningly that he would see what she would do to him for beating them.

“He went to watch a football game a few days afterwards. Later, another friend came to our house crying and she told us that my son had been arrested by the police because he was a suspected member of the Boko Haram. Again, I heard later that he was dead.”

Grema said she was devastated and it even got worse when her daughter’s husband was killed by the insurgents. My daughter fled with their nine children.

“After a while she remarried and settled in Cameroon. She came to visit me with all nine children, four of whom she left with me to care for.” Grema said it was customary that a second husband was not responsible for the care of the children from the first marriage.

“He was prepared to look after three of them, but the other four had to stay with me. Over the years I have tried to get hold of her but all in vain. We haven’t heard anything from her for the past 10 years. I do not know if she and my grandchildren are alive. I think they are dead because I’m sure I would have heard from them by now.

Grema said she was physically and mentally ill. Her heart was broken not only physically but also from the loss of her family.

“I began to get ill when I lost my first child. But my health deteriorated and since then, I have had heart problems and mental issues – I’m deeply depressed.”

Zainab Ibrahim, her younger daughter, and her husband had moved in with their three children.

Between Grema and Ibrahim, they were now looking after 10 children. Ibrahim did odd jobs when she could find them and her husband had gone to Benin to look for a job. Grema said she made traditional sweets which she sold to neighbours and others but she did not make much money.

Ibrahim said since living with her, she had realised how ill her mother was and after putting aside some money for a long time, she had finally taken her to hospital, where it was confirmed she had a serious heart illness, an ulcer and was suffering from deep depression.

“I wanted to take my mother to hospital months ago but we did not have money. She is very ill with heart problems and an ulcer and she is very thin. And now we can’t afford to buy the medicine she needs.

“As her only surviving child, I try to help in any way I can. But the truth is we are all starving and hunger is threatening our health. We might not survive unless we get help.”

Ibrahim said the 10 grandchildren were doing what they could to help the family and that they went out every day to roam the streets and pick up leftover food.

“They usually find things at the market such as maize, if they are lucky. We sieve it to get rid of the sand and then we cook and eat it. They sometimes find cabbages and peppers and bring those too. But sometimes they cannot find anything and we just have to stay hungry. I don’t know how much longer we can go on like this, especially my mother. I think she might die soon.”

AISHA SD JAMAL